So it feels like I’m leaving the Matrix. Humans unknowingly trapped, this time, in a haze of advertising and peer pressure. A never-ending cocktail of a system that thrives off your purchase power and dopamine.
It seems the only way to realise you are stuck is to just jump off the train. Not planned, at a station, because that involves too much premeditation and time for changes-of-mind. But to just jump.
Inevitably that has consequences. Disorientation, loss of self, questions from others, like “why such drastic action, and why now?”.
The answer is once you realise you’re trapped, what’s the first thing any animal wants to do? GET OUT!
And so, it is with my decision to not drink alcohol. The Matrix of the alcohol industry, the addictive qualities of booze, the firing of your dopamine responses, pure societal acceptance, the rise in drinking in lockdown, the rise in alcohol-related deaths each year, especially in women.
I’m not an alcoholic, I’m not a secret Mummy Wine drinker, I’m not even overly concerned about my irregular consumption, but I have noticed my drinking, and when and why I do, to be curious about it.
Like, why do I only drink on a Friday and Saturday (and occasionally a Sunday)?
Why do I even drink at all?
·Why does my child grow up learning alcohol is an accepted part of life, and yet I baulk at the thought of picking up a cigarette in front of him?
Why do I think I want a drink if I’ve had a ‘bad day’?
How can I better manage my very low energy since my Pernicious Anaemia / B 12 diagnosis? And does alcohol contribute to this?
Why, oh why, have my hangovers got worse as I age?
Mindfulness brings me many benefits in my life, with one of the biggest being awareness, and with that comes curiosity. The Sober Curious movement has grown exponentially in recent years, aided by books like Claire Pooley’s ‘Mummy Was a Secret Drinker’, Catherine Gray’s ‘The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober’,, as well as facebook groups, community memberships and podcasts. That’s a lot of curious people – and that leads me to wonder why? And it leads me to be more curious than I have been before.
What has made them see the Matrix? What IS on the other side?
For the record I’ve had long periods in the past ten years not drinking, both voluntarily (almost a year, plus Dy Januarys or Sober September and Octobers), and involuntarily (while pregnant). But this time feels different – I’m keen to start with no destination in mind.
Why? Because living with Type One diabetes is tiring enough *sigh*, but the Pernicious Anemia / B 12 diagnosis is rough. My fatigue is real and often, but I work on this though mental health strategies, pacing. I am making progress, but it’s not enough.
So making the decision to quit consuming a potential energy drainer, feels like a no brainer to me.
The intention is clear, the destination isn’t. But hey, that’s life, isn’t it?
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If anyone wants to join me, you know where to find me. Get in touch.
